A licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY 6979) with over thirty years experience. He emphasizes a Relational Approach in Marriage Therapy, Couples Therapy and Individual Therapy. He is the author or co-author of two books, co-editor of a third, and is currently writing about how to establish, and be, in a healthy long-term intimate relationship.
Relational Approach
I emphasize a “Relational Approach” with both couples and individuals. I am always looking at the interaction between the partners, and concurrently at the psychological issues each of the partners brings into the relationship, or what issues the individual client brings to the therapeutic relationship.
It is the interaction between the partners that causes the problems. Each partner unwittingly is doing something in the relationship that contributes to a negative interaction, and consequently, this deteriorates the sense of connectedness and trust. Each partner is a co-contributor: Until each partner takes responsibility for him/herself, the relationship will not move forward. This is the true beginning of relational change.
In the Initial Consultation, and with the active participation of the client(s), I determine how successful—the individuals in the relationship, or the individual client I am seeing—has balanced being both a “separate” individual, and a partner in a relationship—including the therapeutic relationship. We then work on those fundamental emotional issues which are interfering with establishing, and maintaining, a healthier relationship with others, and with oneself.
Each partner in a relationship has the challenging task of balancing three fundamental human realities:
Integrating these three challenges leads to Emotional Connectedness. Doing so requires commitment, openness, and a lot of hard work—there is no “easy” solution.
Couples Therapy can teach both partners to go beyond hurtful, unproductive, and emotionally disconnecting “monologues.” It can teach them how to engage in a genuine dialogue that addresses both partners’ needs and enhances the quality of their emotional connectedness— moving from blaming, to connection.
A therapist serves as a “Relational Coach” to help the couple get beyond the emotional blocks between them, address their individual psychological issues, and to further develop their relational skills. Such an approach requires the therapist to be very actively involved in the interactive process between the partners.
Don’t wait until your relationship is veering toward a crisis before seeking assistance—it’s much more difficult to change interactions at that point.